It LOOKS like a harmless nut...
... but it's as evil as the One Ring!
Some backstory: there was a leak under the kitchen sink that had been dampening that area for months. It had been so long, I had stopped noticing the messy boxes of spray cleaners that were on the kitchen floor instead of under the sink.
But after writing myself a bossy note,
I vowed to deal with the problem.
Unfortunately, it was an intermittent leak,
which meant I could never pinpoint exactly what was leaking.
Finally, I figured out the key to locating the source:
tin foil.
I placed it under the sink, and listened for the plink, plink, plink of falling water.
Once I did, I could easily see exactly where the water was hitting,
since it left a perfect tiny puddle of water.
I crawled under the sink (FORESHADOWING, PEOPLE),
covered the puddle with my hand,
and slowly raised my hand until I found exactly where the water was dripping.
It turns out it was NOT my sprayer, as I suspected, but my nasty old faucet,
all corroded and gross underneath.
(Don't judge my sink. As I've said before, this isn't a housekeeping blog.)
I've done a little plumbing so I felt confident I could replace the faucet.
I picked one up at Home Depot, brought it home, and got to work.
(This is what kind of trashy housekeeper I am: I totally thought when seeing the high, arched faucet, Hey! I could still get water from the faucet for my tea, even when the sink is piled high with dirty dishes!)
After a fruitless half-hour trying to free the faucet from the sink,
I realized Home Depot wasn't just trying to make a few extra bucks
by recommending the sink basin wrench.
It's a one-use tool, but it's the only way to loosen the nuts.
I borrowed one from my neighbor (thanks, Ken!),
and after jamming myself into the SQUARE FOOT of space under the sink...
... I got to work, slowly, painfully, trying to loosen
that stupid, horrible, corroded nut.
Minnie decided to help by poking her paws through the empty holes,
crawling in next to me and rubbing against my head,
and perching on my hip as I lie on my side.
I finally locked her in the office; I should have realized
she was trying to save me from PURE EVIL.
For about an hour and a half, I unscrewed that nut
quarter-turn by torturous quarter-turn.
Finally, FINALLY, after smashed fingers,
a banged head,
and a bruised back,
I worked that nut loose.
SUCCESS!
(I miss old school Office.)
Now, doesn't my new sink look pretty?
(I'm totally guilty of doing that before-and-after staging thing they do
with plastic surgery photos. I told my new sink to wear some nice eye shadow
and stick out its chin so it wouldn't have turkey wattle neck.)
But... I don't know what to do with that EVIL nut.
Should I wear it around my neck, like the teeth of vanquished foes?
Or enlist Frodo and Sam to cast it into Mount Doom?