Hear My Womanly Roar

Y'know how there's people who have these weird, obscure costumes at Halloween,

and when you ask them what they're dressed as,

they launch into a long, convoluted explanation of every aspect of the outfit? 

And you want to say, Can't you just be a sexy kitten, or something?

Yeah, I'm that annoying costume person.

But I don't mean to be irritating!

I just get excited about an idea, then have to run with it.

Case in point:  Tuesday I went to the Parks and Recreation panel for PaleyFest 2012.

I adore Parks and Recreation: it's not only funny,

but it's also the most feminist show on TV.

Both those aspects were on display in a season four episode titled "Pawnee Rangers",

in which  lead character Leslie Knope (played by Amy Poehler) led a

 progressive troop of young girls called the Pawnee Goddesses.

I loved the episode, and I LOVED THE OUTFIT!

So, I decided to make a Pawnee Goddess costume of my own. 

The beauty of wearing it to PaleyFest is that I wouldn't have to explain to a single person what I was wearing!  We would all have a common frame of reference!

Now, how to make it?

TO THE INTERNETS!!!

First, I found a very helpful tutorial by the lovely and talented Heidi of Hands Occupied.

Thanks, Heidi!

Next, I found a graphic for the all-important Pawnee Goddess patch.

Thanks, Andrea!

After making the vest and buying some pre-made patches,

I set out to make some patches of my own.

Interested in doing the same?

You will need:

white fabric

small scraps of felt

a color printer

Heat N Bond LITE

Heat N Bond ULTRAHOLD

thread

a half-way decent but not necessarily fancy sewing machine

Instructions!

First, I put all my graphics into one page of a Word document.

(You don't have to print them out.  This paper is just for a visual.)

Next, I got some Heat N Bond.

I STARTED WITH HEAT N BOND LITE.

I was yelling at you with caps because if you use the UltraHold,

you will not be able to sew through the patches, and You Will Be Sad.

I cut an 8 1/2" by 11" piece of Heat N Bond Lite, and the same size of bright white cotton.

I followed the directions and bonded them together.

Next, I ran this bonded fabric through my printer. 

I'll be honest:  sometimes this works great; sometimes my printer gets into a snit

and jams a little.  I would say that if your printer can handle cardstock,

it should be okay with this bonded fabric.

I cut out the images with about an eighth of an inch white border around the edges.

I peeled off the Heat N Bond backing, and bonded the patches to coordinating felt.

I had a scant eight inches of felt around the edges.

I AM YELLING AGAIN TO SAY THE FELT NEEDS TO MATCH THE COLOR OF THREAD YOU ARE GOING TO USE, SO PLAN AHEAD!

Here they are, all nice and cut out.

My plan was to do a buttonhole stitch (the satin-stitch kind) all around,

covering both the white border and the felt.

I started with the rectangular patch because I thought it would be easier.

MISTAKE.

 Those stupid corner were impossible, and the tight, wide buttonhole stitch kept getting caught up in the foot and machine.

So, Eleanor doesn't look great.

For the next patch, I decided to try a zig-zag stitch,

and make it only medium wide ("3" on my machine),

rather than really wide (The "5" on my machine.)

I also went around more than once, to fill in the gaps, and I made sure

to cover both the white border and the felt.

Better!

For the third patch, I really rounded the corners.  It made it much easier.

Lookin' good!

I got cocky, and tried an intricate Gryffindor patch.

Oy.  Those corners were a pain.  I should have found a more rounded image.

Also? 

DON'T USE STEAM!

It made the colors run a bit.

Now, it was time for the most important patch of all:

The Pawnee Goddess patch!

I put everything I learned together on this one.

I rounded the corners.

I did a narrow zig-zag for the first time around, then the widest zig-zag after that.

I went around and around until all the white border and felt were covered.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL!

To attach them to the vest, I flipped them over, and used the Heat N Bond UltraHold.

I peeled off the backing, and ironed those suckers to the vest.

The payoff to all my work?

I got to ask this lady a question at the Parks and Recreation panel...

... AND, I was hailed as Queen of the Dorks at the event.

Which was pretty dang cool.

Next up:  How to make a Pawnee Ranger outfit!

A Book Lover's High Holy Days

March 2nd is Read Across America Day, y'all! 

And in honor of the good Dr. Seuss' birthday,

I crafted a jaunty little striped hat.

But first of all, why didn't I just use the hat I already had?

BECAUSE THE FREAKIN' THING IS HUUUUUGE!

It bobbles around on my head and annoys me all day long.  It would be fine for a readers' theater or something, but not for a whole day in a third grade classroom.

So I started with two pieces of 9" x 12" felt, my reference book,

and my trusty old-school calculator.

(I have had that calculator for more than thirty years.  I'm ooooold!)

I cut the red felt into an 8" by 9" rectangle.

I cut two 9" by 1 1/2" strips of white.

I cut a red circle 3 1/4" across. 

(Ignore the red 3 3/4" on the circle!  My math failed me! It's wrong!)

With the remaining white, I cut two identical ovals as big I could, 

and cut a circle out of the middle of one about 2 1/2" across.

(Honestly?  If you have extra white felt, make your ovals bigger than mine.  They would be easier to sew, then.)

I sewed on the white strips.

Then made a tube, making sure the white stripes matched up.

I sewed the red circle on one end.

And then sewed the white oval with the circle cut out to the other end.

I stuffed that sucker with stuffing.

And then sewed the other oval to the bottom.

NOT SHOWN: 

I also hemmed on the white oval right next to the tube, through all the layers.

Otherwise, the bottom was too poofy.

I made two slits, and threaded a headband though them.

I hand-sewed around the opening, to keep the hat from slipping around.

Now THAT'S a hat I can rock all day long!

One of These Things Is Just Like The Other

I recently watched the documentary Forks Over Knives.

I am horribly susceptible to documentary talking heads,

so as I watched the credits I vowed I was going to

CHANGE ALL MY EATING HABITS.

The light of day and some internet sleuthing made me realize that no, I wasn't giving up

dairy and eggs, among the meeeellion other foods the doctors said I should

if I wanted to make it to my next birthday.

However...

One guy did point out that both milk-making cows and

meat-producing cows are "factory-raised," i.e. treated as food-producing widgets

instead of brown-eyed, sweet-faced moo-ers.

(How could I be mean to that sweet beastie?)

My research turned up that organic yogurt is generally made from "pasture-fed" cows, but, boooo, my favorite Trader Joe's yogurt is NOT organic.

So I went looking for organic yogurt, since I eat yogurt like other people eat,

I dunno, potato chips?  Point is, I eat a lot of yogurt.

And look!

(That's Minnie's brother, Jack, btw, supervising my photo shoot.)

Notice anything?  The tasty (but more expensive) organic Wallaby yogurt looks pretty similar to the tasty (and less expensive) Trader Joe's brand vanilla yogurt!  It turns out that they are the same, just in different packaging!

Yay!  I can still eat Trader Joe's yogurt!

Now I just need to find a vegetarian*-friendly cheese, and I'll be golden!

*For the record, I'm not a vegetarian, but I don't eat beef.  

Traditional rennet-based cheese is made from calf's stomach.

In Which I Embark Yet Again On A Gardening Quest

As I detailed in this post, I do not have a green thumb. 

But I have dreams, DREAMS blog readers!  I want to humble brag about how I have

too many tomatoes, bushels of zucchinis, armloads of herbs... won't someone

help me out with my harvest?

So. When it came time to order from this company:

I had one important criteria.  I wanted the description of the tomatoes to

include these crucial words:

"Heavy Yields."

I mean, take a look at the Costoluto tomatoes I grew last year:

They look pretty good, right?

But take a few steps back...

Sigh... this is the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree of tomato plants.

But things will be different this year!!

In addition to my successful Sungolds, I ordered three new tomato seeds.

(Don't be judging my nasty kitchen grout.  This isn't a housekeeping blog.)

In addition to the merits of taste, all three of these tomatoes -- Mandarin Cross, Isis Candy, and Big Beef Beefsteak Tomato -- also promise some variation of those magic words,

"HEAVY YIELDS."

So I'm hoping next year I'll have some better photos to post,

and some more tomatoes to share.

Have a Beet-y Valentine's Day

Back around 2oo6, I fell hard for the show The Office.  I became obsessed, obsessed

in the way a viewer can when she comes slightly late to a show

and then mainlines the earlier episodes.  

Although I'm no longer even that much of a fan of the show, something very cool has come of it:  internet friends.  For my Office buddy who lives back east, I made a Valentine's card inspired by a line in season two's Valentine's Day episode:

Pam:  "Everybody gives out little presents and stuff.  Like last year, Jim gave me this card, with Dwight's head on it... it was horrifying and funny and..."

A few minutes of Google yielded the needed images, and this card was born:

Man, I crack myself up.

My Addiction Fuels Literacy

I have a leeetle bit of a hoarding problem.

No, it's not back issues of Vogue, or empty soup cans, or cats.  

(Shut up... five cats doesn't count as "hoarding.")

It's BOOKS, lovely, lovely books.

And it's not enough to have a book; no, if it's a book I love, 

I must also have a hardcover edition:

(Minnie is also a fan of Louis Sachar's Newbery-winning Holes.)

My local library's "Friends of the Library" bookstore is an excellent source of inexpensive paperbacks -- I can leave with an armload of books for less than ten dollars. 

But when it's hardcovers I crave, I head to BetterWorldBooks.

This fine online company receives used books from donations, drives, and library discards;

sells them online, and uses a portion of the profits to fund literacy programs and libraries.

Here's where you can learn more about them.

Take a look at my latest haul!

I got eight books from them for only $24.40!  

That works out to only $3.50 per hardback book!

Why were these books so cheap?  They were in the "Bargain Bin," because of one reason:

The library-ness of them!

Do I care that there's an envelope and bar code in the front of the book? 

Not at all! 

In fact, it adds to the value of the book for me.

I can pretend I have my own personal library. 

Even better is when a book has an actual date-stamp sheet in the front:

Seeing those crooked dates stamped just fills my nerdy-girl heart with glee.

(Btw:  the only negative is those stickers on the spine are tricky to get off.  But I'll address how I rejuvenate used books in another post.)

This Picture is a Lie

Just look at these fine tomatoes I grew last summer:

There's some heirlooms there, and some Sungold cherry tomatoes.

 I'll bet you think I had baskets of these.

YOU WOULD BE WRONG.

Oh, I had enough Sungolds for our summer salads.  

And full-sized tomatoes for a sandwich or two:

 

(Isn't that the tastiest grilled cheese sammie you've ever seen?  

That's homemade mozzarella, too! )

But my plans to give away bags full of tomatoes

to friends, the food bank, and even passersby did NOT happen.

And don't even ask me about the zucchini.

It's just plain embarrassing.

...

Okay, fine.

What the heck, zucchini?  What the everlovin' heck?

I thought growing zucchini was supposed to be like growing

crabgrass, or kudzu, or dandelions.

Evidently, not.

But of course I'm trying again this spring!

My virtual cart is full at Renee's Garden, and I'm armed with some new ideas.  

I'll note them here, and let y'all know the outcome!